The internet allows for everyone to have a voice, sometimes this can come anonymously, sometimes it’s an opportunity to voice your opinion where you are unable to, sometimes for good, sometimes for bad.
Trolling has become common place on internet platforms like Youtube, but equally negative comments can be found between “friends” on Twitter and Facebook, all viewable by public eye. For me the phase, dirty laundry on display comes to mind.
One of the problems with the internet and digital conversations, it that often it can create a wall between the voice and the recipient where emotions are unable to be conveyed. Quite often you can read comments that are painful, and you know that they are coming from a person who has their own issues. For some recipients, they can understand and be compassionate towards the voice, but for most there really isn’t an excuse.
Being unable to talk about what has hurt you can often lead to what I can only describe as, a seeping out of emotions. Pent up anger can come out without intention and sometimes in quite bizarre situations. Even while you are ill with a cold, your mental state can be affected and at least for me I know I can get seriously emotional (only the other day, while I was bed bound with the flu, did I cry almost constantly, through Lilo and Stitch). But the emotionless nonchalance of the internet has allowed for a landslide of noncommittal comments that in some cases are have been deadly.
This isn’t a post to shame people who have made comments, or to brag and pretend that I have it all together. I simply, like others on the internet, want to voice my opinion and feel that in some small way it can be of use.
I met my now husband in our first your of University. We knew each other for two and half years before dating. We dated for one year before we got engaged, and we decided to get married six months later. We have been married for two and a half years, and we are loving every second. It’s not easy, but it’s worth the effort.
BUT the internet hasn’t always made me feel super positive about my unsuspicious romantic covenant.
I get that in todays Western culture, being married young means I’ve “missed out” on plenty of what the world has to offer. And a handful of my unmarried friends have made that very obvious, in fact I too laugh at some of the marriage memes circulating the internet.
One problem I see with thinking like that is, if I hadn’t married my husband when we were young, then mightn’t I have missed out on some of the best years of my life?
Marriage is statistically on a decline in the UK. There are now more divorces than marriages and I can totally understand why people whose parents who have; never been together, separated, divorced, died, been part of domestic abuse or any other number of dreadful things would want to avoid marriage. But does that mean that I am also wrong? Does it mean that my marriage will also fail?
You might have seen the word covenant I used above, now that is an odd word to describe marriage by, because in marriage you literally sign your name at the bottom of a page so you might be more inclined to call it a contract. If you maintain your side of the deal, I’ll maintain mine.
That seems fair right?
However, that way of thinking sounds to me like more of a Mexican standoff. If you do something wrong, then the contract is off. With a covenant it is more like you are making a pact, even if you do something wrong, this deal is still on. Now there are situations that I have already mentioned for reasons why a marriage can fall apart, and I am in no way saying that in some of these situations nothing should be done. But there are people I know who have been able to work through hard times, because they understand that their partners actions aren’t likely to come from no where and have sought help for both themselves and eventually their partner.
For me, to be made to feel like I made a mistake marrying my husband when I did, makes me feel sad. It makes me sad because, I love my husband, I wouldn’t swap these years together for anything. Being married is different to dating or living together, because at the end of the day we have made a covenant with each other, meaning if I annoy him (and trust me, I do), he has given up his right to give up on me. It makes me sad because I’m made feel that giving up my right to give up is stupid, naive, and potentially dangerous. It makes me sad, because I fear that they might be projecting their own concerns of marriage onto mine. It makes me sad because, there is nothing wrong with being single and being married isn’t a slap in the face for those who want to be.
I can’t predict the future, but I do know that life isn’t perfect and me being married doesn’t change that, in some ways it actually makes life a little more complicated. What I do know is that I want to fight to keep loving my husband though everything. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.